Reflections
by Sarah Isabel
Summary: The monster in her belonged to me. It always will.


**A/N: Hi, this is my very first fan fiction or any attempt in writing for that matter, so please read and review. Thanks a lot.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the recognisable characters. All of them belong to SM and her Twilight Universe.**

**A/N: This is an outtake from Jacob's point of view in Breaking Dawn book 2. This is assumed to happen when (if) Jacob and Leah both expand their trail to ensure safe hunting grounds for the Cullens.**

It felt good to run like this. Running at will and not following the same closed trail. I felt relieved that the claustrophobia that closed in on me from all the sides was not present anymore. Beside me she was easily keeping up and I knew that _she_ was feeling exactly the same too. I could sense we were running pretty fast, though we weren't exactly trying for speed.

I almost didn't notice the unexpected drop into the valley in the side. I stopped suddenly and she blew past me, only to turn around and skid to a stop facing me. I could tell that she was annoyed at my sudden stop - she was enjoying the run too, but underneath it all there was a faint layer of concern and worry. I just nodded my head in the direction of the view and like me; she too became enthralled in it.

The view was breath taking, and it was saying something. I had after all explored almost the entire untapped wilderness of Canada (though not in your conventional way).

Suddenly I had the desire to be alone with my thoughts. I could sense that it was mutual. So we both headed to the trees in opposite sides to phase back.

As I shifted from one form to the other I could feel the pain that came with this form, the human form; the pain that came with the love I felt for her, the other _her; _the pain that the wolf found easier to handle; the pain that the wolf helped numb.

Heaving a big sigh, I untied my clothes, put them on and went back to the cliff and sat on its edge. Somehow this place brought some peace, however trivial it seemed to be.

I didn't even look up when Leah sat down beside me. She never tried to start a conversation. After a few minutes, curiosity becoming the better of me, I looked up to see her face. What I saw there surprised me. For the first time in the past few months I saw that her face was not clouded with anger or hatred. I had seen her angry, spiteful, sometimes even vacant, but she had always had her defences high, never letting her guard down. But now there was no emotion except sadness in her face. Her eyes held grief but also a hint of something I couldn't comprehend. She either didn't realize that I was staring at her or simply didn't care.

So I turned around and gazed into the open wilderness. I saw nothing in particular. I just scanned the area absentmindedly, anything to keep my thoughts away from _her._

"Thank you, Jacob." she said, so quiet that I would not have understood what she said if I didn't have supernatural hearing.

I didn't reply. I couldn't. Those two words held a dozen meanings, could be applied to a dozen situations, right from the new born battle and I honestly didn't know which to choose. I didn't try. Since when did I choose right? So I went back to gazing the scenery in front of me.

When I turned to look at her again, I could see how much scarred Leah was. Like Emily she was raked with Sam's claws too, only hers weren't visible. Just like mine.

When I looked at her I realised we were more alike than I thought. A week earlier if someone had told me that I would be sitting here with Leah of all the people, I would have ripped his head off, but now I didn't really know what to make of it.

It seemed as if a broken mirror was placed before me, but then I realised that the mirror alone did not contribute to the entire breakage, the reflection in it had a fair share too.

We had both fallen in love in the conventional way; there were no monsters or magic involved.

Thinking about this, immediately brought my thoughts back to _her. Bella... my Bella,_ I somehow couldn't stop thinking of her like that. She did not belong to me, at least not entirely. I knew without a doubt that a part of her would always belong to me, the part of her that the bloodsucker had no hope of seeing; the part that hurt others; the part that caused pain; the part that both shredded and saved me at the same time; the part that she didn't realise existed. The _monster _in her belonged to me. It always will. Though the irony was not lost on me, I felt smug, in a sick, twisted way. I almost laughed, a harsh bitter laugh that caused Leah turn around, her eyes questioning my sanity. I just shook my head and turned back to continue whatever it was that she was thinking.

"I was really starting to get the impression that you had completely crossed over from a vampire slayer to a vampire slave." Leah mocked after a few minutes, her face twisted into a harsh sneer. I could literally feel the air quotes. "What happened to scouting the land so that your beloved leach masters could feed without interruptions?" Yep, the old Leah was back. I just sighed. What did I have to say in return, that it wasn't like what she thought, I bet she knows that, hell everyone knows that. Anyway there was a big difference between knowing and believing.

She fell silent again and I assumed that her question was rhetorical. Silence was overwhelming but not uncomfortable. The type which both of us silently wished would continue forever.

As I continued to stare vacantly, my mind raced back to the only thing I really did not want to think about. What is with my mind always trying to bring up the most forbidden of all thoughts, just to torture me? Did _she_ hold my mind too, along with my pathetic heart?

There was a sudden outburst from Leah.

"Dammit, stop torturing yourself Jake, there is a limit to your masochism."

Great, we were not even phased and yet she manages to hit the right nerve.

"I will, if you stop being a hypocrite." I retorted.

"Sure. Since you have so kindly pointed out my flaws, Oh Mighty Alpha, I'll change into Ms Sunshine from tomorrow."

"What's with the sarcasm, Leah? I thought your aim was to be less annoying than Paul."

"There is only so much I can handle a day Jacob, don't make me rip your pathetic head off."

I growled but didn't reply. She waited for a few minutes and then spoke again.

"Thought you were going to perform your utterly important vampire errand, why did you stop suddenly?"

"Just felt like it" I replied ignoring her bitter tone.

"Oh", she said and fell silent again.

I didn't know what possessed me to stop here. Maybe due to the fact that this cliff reminded me of a similar one where Bella's stunt turned my world upside down.

Stupid, reckless Bella and her stupid impatience. Couldn't she have waited for me? One reckless jump and my entire world shattered. For a minute there I thought I had lost her.

I just didn't know there were too many ways to lose a person you love and now I had lost her the worst way imaginable.

Again the bitter laugh escaped my mouth before I could do anything to stop it. Was it possible for wolves to lose their minds? Seemed like it though.

I could not keep going like this. Someday I might even turn feral if I keep bringing this up.

But I had a purpose now. I will do whatever it takes to keep _her _heart beating. I will take whatever pain this caused me. With this thought, I got up and held out my hand to Leah.

"You are right Leah; we do indeed have a vampire errand to run." I tried to joke.

A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips. She thwacked my hand aside and stood up with a smirk." I always am, Black." she stated smugly and headed off towards some trees to phase.

That moment I could sense a new comradeship growing. I knew that whatever happened, I would not be alone. Leah could hopefully be the person who would save me from _her_; from myself.

With this thought I let the animal take over, once again.


End file.
